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A Web Log from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary,

As you might imagine, when I’m driving down the road in my Phantomobile, I get a good deal of attention.  People will often shout things “hey, you’re that Phantom Tire Buyer!”

“With a secret identity” I often reply.  “Tell me, how’s your alignment?” 

But lately I’ve been getting more attention than ever before.  I wondered why, and then it struck me.  I just had my good friends at Tire Discounters install a new set of wheels!  I can’t tell you what a difference it makes.  And I had an interesting conversation with my friend Mike…

“Hiya, Phantom!”

“Hi Mike.  I’d like to peruse your vast selection of wheels.  I think the Phantomobile needs some sprucing up.”

“Great!  Yeah, we’ve got thousands of wheels in stock:  KMC, Black Rhino, ION, Fuel and tons more…anything on the floor strike your fancy?”

I picked a set I’d had my eye on for some time.

“Okay, now lets do a little web site magic and see how they’ll look on the Phantomobile.”

“Wow!  That’s amazing!  And I must say, I think they really make the Phantomobile look unique!”

“And the price is lower than you might think…you might call it a “wheel deal”!  Get it?”

“I’m sorry, get what?”

“I said wheel deal”.

“Yes.”

“It’s like a play on words.  Like instead of saying we have great big deals on wheels, I said it’s a wheel deal.”  

“Indeed.  And Mike, I also know that you and fellow ASE Certified Technicians know just the right fit for my vehicle and driving preferences.” 

“Plus, they look super cool.”

“I hope they don’t make me look like too much of a hep cat.”

“Not to worry Phantom.  Not to worry.”

Image

A Web Log about brakes from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary,

Right now, where I live in Cincinnati, OH (also the home of the greatest tire store in the world) people all over town are rolling down their car windows for the first time since winter set in.  And guess what many of us are hearing?  “Squeee, squeee!”.   That’s not a technical term.  It’s supposed to represent the terrible and annoying squeaks made by brakes that need attention.  

If you’ve been startled by this or a similar noise, I highly recommend that you take your vehicle to the afore-mentioned Tire Discounters.  There, the friendly and expert ASE technicians will perform a free and thorough inspection.  How thorough?  I’m glad you asked!

Every part of your braking system that is subject to wear will be checked.  That includes friction materials like brake pads and shoes, and brake rotors and brake drums.  Then, the hydraulic system gets a good going-over.  In addition to analyzing the brake fluid, the master cylinder, steel brake lines, brake hoses, brake calipers and wheel cylinders are all inspected.  

Then, you see the resulting written documentation.  

For me, the best part is that, because of Chip Wood’s leadership and values, at Tire Discounters the emphasis is never on SELLING you brakes.  They LOVE to tell customers that everything is fine.  But if works needs to be done, you’ll know exactly why.  And you can trust that you’ll be safe in your travels.  

A Web Log about pothole season from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary,

Pothole season is coming.  That phrase sends chills down the spine of this Phantom Tire Buyer with a secret identity.  Most people consider the greatest pothole-caused mayhem to be a flat tire or bent rim/wheel that results after a dramatic ka-thunk.  BUT.  For people like me, cursed with an obsession for vehicle safety, the true damage is far more insidious – for it hides itself as it lurks in the vehicle.  

Did you know that even the smallest pothole can throw your vehicle out of alignment?  Fortunately, Tire Discounters, founded and owned by my good friend Chip Wood and his beautiful family, offers a free alignment check!  I urge everyone to take advantage of this free and oh so beneficial service.  Once your vehicle is mis-aligned, your handling will be thrown off; your tires will begin to wear unevenly; and cats will mate with dogs.  (Ha, ha, that last part was just what we in the diarist business call and “attention-getter”. 

I myself felt a rather jarring bump just the other day.  I turned around and went immediately to Tire Discounters.  There, they carefully checked the Phantomobile’s alignment aaaand….I was lucky this time! 

Don’t take chances with the safety of your family and the handling of your car.  Take it to Tire Discounters for a free inspection!

A Web Log about expensive services from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary,

I’m often mystified by people who take their cars and trucks back to the dealers for service.  Why?  Why do they pay those dealership service prices?  I decided to stand inconspicuously outside the service entrance the local Ford dealer to find out why.

“Excuse me sir!”

‘Yeah?”

“May I ask you a few questions?”

“Sure.  I’m waiting for service, so I got a LOT of time.”

“Sir, are you aware of the fact that Tire Discounters can perform all your scheduled factory maintenance at a fraction of what the dealer charges?”

“Yeah?  Weeelll, I dunno, these guys work for the people who made my truck.”

“Yes, but Tire Discounters brings all the same expertise to the job.  The ASE Certified technicians at Tire Discounters follow the same MAP guidelines as this dealership and most all reputable shops.”

“Yeah?”

“Indeed!  And they it all for much less.”  

“Heck I go there all the time for tires.  They’re right down the street from where I live.  Good people.  Like ‘em.”

“So, may I ask what you’re here for?”

“My 75,000 mile check-up.  Figured I’d bring it here.”  

“But, but sir!”

“Yeah?”

“Tire Discounters does all that and more!  That’s what I’m trying to tell you!”

Just then, one of the salespeople came out.  

“Is this man with the cape and glasses bothering you sir?”

“Not as much as you are.  Get me my truck back.  I’m goin’ somewhere else.”

“But sir, we’re the DEALER!”

“I know.  And I’ve seen your bills.  Now fetch me back my truck.”

A Web Log about traffic from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary,

I’ll tell you this much about the secret location of my Phantom’s lair:  it’s located in Greater Cincinnati.  And our fair community is soaking wet.  In yesterday’s rush-hour morning traffic there were over 25 wrecks on the roads and highways due to the slick surfaces. 

Why?  My theory is that, because we haven’t yet had any snow to speak of, drivers have decided that their worn treads were “good enough”.  NO!  Did you know that for the average 5-person sedan, the stopping distance on wet roads is TWICE that of dry roads?  Add bad tires and diminished visibility in the rain into the mix, and you have a recipe for, oh, 25 WRECKS in one morning. 

Do yourself and everyone who needs to get somewhere on time a favor.  (or, a “solid” as my hip neighbor would say)   Go to Tire Discounters immediately.  Let their experts tell you whether or not your tires are safe in a rainstorm.  They’ll tell it to you straight – at Tire Discounters they care far more about your safety than a mere tire sale.  And, while you’re at it, pick up some new wiper blades to help with that visibility! 

Cincinnati is Tire Discounters’ hometown.  Please people, we can do better!

A Web Log about locations from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary, 

Wow, just wow.  I was perusing tirediscounters.com this morning and saw the news.  As I may have mentioned, I am a close personal friend of the founder and chairman, Chip Wood.  I’ve also had the honor of meeting Steven, Chip’s son and his daughter Anna.  They are both intensely involved in the family business.  It’s such a comfort to know that my favorite company is set to prosper for generations to come!  

And what a far-flung affair!  From Chip’s humble beginnings – now customers in Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia and Alabama can all enjoy a free alignment with standard 4-tire installation.  And the web site can be reached from all over the world!   

Speaking of the web site…if you haven’t chatted with an expert from Tire Discounters, you haven’t lived.  They can talk with authority on a full spectrum of topics:  everything from recommending the perfect tire to consulting on what Tire Discounters’ maintenance service you might want to consider.  I would steer clear of movie recommendations, however. Even though I have quite a lively sense of humor, I found the movie “Hangover” to be somewhat sophomoric.  

A Web Log about wheels from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary, 

My neighbor Brandon is a rather conservative sort.  He dresses everyday in plaid shirts and khaki trousers.  His house is a non-descript brick colonial with white trim.  He drives a 10-year-old greyish silver Chevy Malibu to his job as a data analyst.  So imagine my surprise when just the other day, I saw Brandon pull into his drab concrete driveway with sparkling new custom wheels!  

“Brandon,” I cried.  Is it really you?

He rolled down his window and smiled.  “Did you notice my cool new wheels?”

“I did indeed, my good friend, is that really you?”

“That’s exactly right Phantom.  This is the real me.”  

“I never pictured you as the type who would customize his car with something so, so…”

“Stylish?”

“Precisely!”  

“Aw, I gotta tell you, I surprised myself just a little bit.  I was at Tire Discounters and I happened to meet this guy who was so excited he could barely contain himself.”  

“I just got new custom wheels!” he exclaimed.  It’s like, I’m still being me, only it’s like I’m being even more me!”

“Now Phantom, I had to think about that one a little.  Then I got what he was saying.  He wasn’t flashy in any sense – but just a small, tasteful bit of flash on his car suited him to a tee.  That’s when it hit me:  darn it Brandon, you be more you!”

“And you bought these snazzy wheels.  Kudos neighbor, they’re just the thing!”

“Hey Phantom, did you ever notice that the trim on my house might be a bit bland?  It’s just off-white.” 

“Hmmm.  What were you thinking?”

“Oh, I don’t know.  Maybe cream?”

“Exciting!  You keep being more you, my good friend!”

A Web Log about a quote from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary,

Just the other day I was on my way to volunteer at the local recycling center.  One of Tire Discounters’ competitors has a location along that route, so I usually try to avert my eyes when driving by.  It makes my blood boil when I think of all those poor, unsuspecting customers.

But this time, I couldn’t help but glance their way.  What I saw stopped me in my tracks.  There, in front of their store was this brazen message:  “10% off any Tire Discounters quote”.

Well, I couldn’t help myself, I had to investigate.  I marched into the store and simmered, while I waited for the “sales manager” to get off his phone and acknowledge my presence.  

“What can I do you for?  Nice cape, by the way.”

“I saw your sign outside, my good man.”

“Oh that,” he smirked, “pretty clever on us, huh?”

“I don’t know where to begin.”

“Howsabout we jack your car up and we’ll tell ya what ya need?”

“Do you have the slightest inkling what Tire Discounters does for their customers?”

“Slap on tires, just like us.”

“NO!  I don’t know where to begin, so let’s cut to the chase, as they say.”  

“What?”

“Do you even have an alignment rack?”

“Nope.  Too expensive.  Plus, you gotta know how to use them.  It’s complicated.”

I struggled to maintain my composure.   “Are you aware of what can happen when you carelessly put new tires on a misaligned vehicle?”

“Yeah, weird tread wear.  You should make sure them wheels are aligned.“  

“That’s why Tire Discounters includes a free 4-wheel alignment with standard 4-tire installation!”

“We can’t do that.”

“I KNOW THAT!  So how can you offer 10% off when you even come close to providing the same service!”

“Well, rubber’s rubber.”

“Let’s move on.  Do you scour the mating surfaces to ensure a perfect seal?”

He gave me a quizzical look and suddenly shouted: “Who’s next!?”

A Web Log about wheels from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary, 

I truly don’t mean to brag, but sometimes when I drive down the street in my Phantomobile, I notice that people often stare.  It’s sometimes more of a slack-jawed gape, actually.  I often wondered why – and it struck me.  Of course!  It’s my custom wheels!

You may think, as did my neighbor Brent, that you’re just not the type to put custom wheels on your car.  Brent was tired of his old Toyota 4-Runner, even though it ran like top.  He was this close to buying a new one.  I sensed this because in a neighborly chat over the fence he said to me:  “Phantom, I’m this close to buying a new one.”

“Brent” I said, “have you ever considered sprucing up your vehicle with a snazzy new set of custom wheels?”

He hemmed and hawed a bit. I was insistent and we drove to our nearest Tire Discounters then and there.  To make a long story short, they had some flat black wheels in stock. They have a huge amount of wheels on hand, and 1000’s more available. Brent thought those might be just the thing for his drab, white 4-Runner.  Well, After Tire Discounters installed those wheels, my friend could not wipe the smile off his face.

He might have spent 10’s of thousands of dollars on a new vehicle that he’d ultimately tire of.  Instead, for a fraction of that, he is now, in his words: “stylin’”.  

A Web Log about a poll from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary,

The other day I decided to conduct a poll of people I met on the street.  I’m not sure if my results can be considered “scientific” or not, but I’ll bet I spoke with upwards of 15 different people.  8 of whom continued speaking with me after I identified myself as a Phantom Tire with a secret identity.  I couldn’t have them thinking I was just some random stranger with a cape on.  

Well, the results were overwhelming, and I was dumbstruck once again by how many people are unaware of the fact that Tire Discounters is so much more than a tire store.  

Here are some of my findings:

5 out of 8 people buy all their tires at Tire Discounters.  That’s not nearly enough.

4 out of 8 people “think they do some other kind of work on cars”.  Well come now.  I wouldn’t call over 400,000 alignments and 10,000 brake jobs in the year 2019 alone – “some work”.

Brakes, Alignments, shocks and struts, oil changes, fluid exchanges – my friends, Tire Discounters does it all!  They can handle all your vehicles’ scheduled maintenance!  And do I need to remind you that they perform all these services with the same expertise and integrity that is synonymous with the name Tire Discounters?  

Oh, this is also interesting.  1 out of 8 people think I shouldn’t wear a cape in public. 

A Web Log about alignment from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary, 

I was counting my items to see if I qualified for the fast check out line the other day, when someone recognized me and asked, how’s everything at Discount Tire?

I’m afraid I may have over reacted.  

“I wouldn’t know, my good man, as I make every attempt never to darken their door!”

This came out a good deal louder than I’d intended.  

“Oh”, he replied.  “No offense intended”.

I gathered my composure as best I could.  

“I shouldn’t have snapped at you.  But, you see, because of the name similarity, Discount Tire is often confused with Tire Discounters, which was founded by my close personal friend, Chip Wood.  I admit, it is a little tricky if you have only a superficial knowledge of the two companies.  But I can assure you, the similarities stop with the names.”

“Oh really,” the man replied, “tell me more.  Normally I’m in a hurry to leave the grocery store, but I find myself enthralled by your tale.”

“That other store, whose name I shan’t mention again, doesn’t even perform alignments!  They sell tires, but they won’t even invest in the equipment and expert personnel needed to perform an alignment.  And putting new tires on an unaligned vehicle can ruin the tires!”  

“Oh my goodness!  I had no idea!  I’ll never confuse the good people at Tire Discounters with those others again!  Plus, I’m going to tell everyone I know to stay away from that other place and ONLY go to Tire Discounters!”  

Then, dear reader, I heard the lovely strains of the Tire Discounters jingle.  Yes, it was my alarm clock, awakening me from my beautiful dream.  

A Web Log about Service while you sleep from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary, 

I have a neighbor, Mr. Worley, who it seems is always working.  Often, I’ll see him at the crack of dawn driving into work – and then will have the chance to wave at him once again when I’m taking my late evening constitutional.  

Then, just last night, I noticed that his right front tire was beginning to wear unevenly:

“Excuse me, Mr. Worley, but I believe you need to go see out friends at Tire Discounters straightaway!”

“Oh hiya Phantom!  Yeah, I thought you might notice that uneven wear on my right front tire.”

“Indeed!”

“See, problem is, I haven’t had the time to go see Mike at Tire Discounters.  I work a LOT.”  

“Hmmm.  Tell me, did you happen to see the latest flyer entitled ‘What’s New at Tire Discounters’ that I pass around the neighborhood on a bi-weekly basis?”

“Oh, of course!  But I only had time to skim it.”  

“Well, shame on you then.  Miss a paragraph/miss a lot!  It happens that the first article highlighted Tire Discounters’ latest customer convenience:  Service While You Sleep!”

“Huh?” 

“Just drop your vehicle off in the evening, and in the morning – it’s done!”

“Wow!  At any store?”

“Well, right now it’s only available in Cincinnati and Columbus, but it’s spreading fast!”

“No wonder.  What a great idea!  Service While I Sleep!” 

“Perhaps you’ll pay more attention to my next mimeographed copy of ‘What’s New at Tire Discounters!’”

“Uh, Phantom?”

“Yes?”

“Hardly anybody in the neighborhood reads that.  I mean, we like Tire Discounters and all, but…”

”Oh, but think what you’re missing!  I’ll keep at it though.  Stay tuned for my next issue, soon to arrive at every house on our fair street!  Spoiler alert:  the lead article goes into great detail about the importance of proper alignment!”

A Web Log about family from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary,

Thanksgiving!  What a wonderful holiday.  Like most of us – for me, it prompts thoughts of family. I delight in contemplating all the good things that family brings to us – let’s see – well, the first thing that pops to mind is, of course, Tire Discounters.  

I remember well some 25 years ago when I met young Steven Wood.  He was a toddler at the time.  Chip introduced us, and I’m afraid that in an attempt to befriend and amuse the little tyke, I blurted out ALIGNMENT, so crucial!  Well the lad began to cry rather uncontrollably.  Since then, I’ve not had the pleasure of meeting Anna or Evan, the middle daughter and younger son, but I know that my good friend Chip Wood is very excited that all three children have been learning the business from the ground up. 

That’s why the phrase “family-owned and operated is so important!  Who better than Chip’s own family to continue to honor the company values and customer benefits that he established so long ago?  As Chip passes the reins to a new generation of Woods, I’ll be saying thanks of my own to all the wonderful Tire Discounters employees and customers I’ve met over the years.  

Speaking of families, one of Chip’s favorite experiences is when a young customer approaches him with a smile and says “my Grandpa was a customer at your first store!”  

A Web Log about fleet from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary, 

I needed to call a plumber to take a look at a leaky pipe in my secret lair.  The nice gentleman pulled up in a truck that said “A Flush Beats a Full House”.  

“Hello, I’m a Phantom Tire Buyer with a secret identity.”

“Hi.  That’s okay, we get all kinds.”  

“All kinds of what?  By the way, I believe there’s an error of fact on your van.  I’m not much for gambling, but I’m confident that according to the rules of poker, a full house does, indeed, beat flush.”

“Oh, yeah.  Well, that’s just a joke.”  

“…What?”

“You know, a kind of plumbing play on words.  Kinda cute and catchy, huh?”  

“…What?”

“Well, it’s humorous.”

“OHHH!  HA HA HA!   Oh, of course.  Humor.  I get it,”  I said, even though I didn’t, really.

“Incidentally, when you pulled into my driveway I noticed that your work van was bouncing up and down rather dramatically.” 

“Oh, yeah, needs shocks really bad.  But the place we take our vans to didn’t have time to fix it.”

“What!  But the lack of control is dangerous!  You need to have it checked and repaired immediately!”

“Well, like I said, the shop that handles our fleet couldn’t get to it.”  

“What about Tire Discounters!  Call them right away!”

“Yeah, love that place.  I take all my family’s cars there.  Didn’t know they did fleets.”

“Oh yes, I’m sure they’ll be happy to set you up with a fleet account.  I’m a close personal friend of the owner, Chip Wood, and he says that fleets are a specialty at Tire Discounters!”

“Huh.  They got all the discounts and stuff?”

“If I know Tire Discounters, you’ll get discounts AND a great deal more.”  

“Yeah, I do like those folks.”  

“Here are directions to nearest store.  Leave now and drive there VERY carefully!”

“What about your leak?”

“My flooded basement pales in comparison to your unsafe vehicle.  Come back after you’ve set up a Tire Discounters fleet account and made your vehicle safe!”

A Web Log about free alignment from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary, 

I still remember, as though it were, oh, yesterday – that fateful day in 1997 when my good friend Chip gave me a fateful piece of news:  

“Phantom, I’m going to start offering a free alignment to anyone who buys 4 tires”.

“But, but Chip” I stammered.

“I know, I know.  It’s gonna be really expensive for us to buy the equipment and train everyone.  Not to mention the money we’ll give up by not charging those customers for their alignments.”

I was still too overcome to gather my wits.

“Excuse my French, but darn it, alignment is just so important!  You should never ever, ever put new tires on a misaligned vehicle!  It’s diabolical what happens then…the treads begin to wear unevenly…and once that starts, it can’t be undone and just continues to get worse!  BUT!  Do people know that?  Do they know that misalignment can void the manufacturer’s warranty?  Of course not!  Sometimes I think that all my competitors care about is selling the tires and slapping them on as fast as they can.”

By this point I was starting to get choked up.  Then, Chip uttered the words that would alter the course of my professional life.  

“People need to know, Phantom.  So I’m counting on you to spread the word.  From now on, every Tire Discounters customer who buys 4 tires with standard installation will GET that needed alignment!  And it shall be free.  Phantom, do you think you can do that for me?  No, I take that back.  Not for me.  Can you do it for unsuspecting tire buyers everywhere?”

Again, I wish I’d been more articulate at the time.  The best I could do was blurt out: “Alignment – so CRUCIAL!”

A Web Log about chat from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary, 

I think I may be guilty of over-using the “Chat” button at Tire Discounters.com.  I can’t help it sometimes – it’s just so convenient and fun!  But, as that last expert on the Chat line (again) reminded me, they need to be devoting their time to helping people find the right answers to immediate questions about tires and service.  

Let me help you understand the kinds of questions they really don’t have time for – I’ve asked all of them and sensed the frustration on the other end…

What are your likes and dislikes?

Suspension/alignment.  Alignment/suspension.  Thoughts?

What manufacturer has the most esthetically pleasing tread patterns?

Can you guess the name of my closest personal friend in the industry?

Why do Asian restaurants use different scales when measuring spiciness?  

Now I knew when I asked some these questions that they were slightly off topic.  But how often does one have a chance to bend the ear of a truly knowledgeable expert?  

By no means should you take this to mean that I don’t recommend using this incredibly helpful service.  On the contrary – it’s a wonderful way for people who are non-experts on all things tire related, to assure that they are making all the right decisions for their comfort and SAFETY!  

I can promise you that the Chat experts at Tirediscounters.com would love to hear from you!

A Web Log about brakes from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary, 

At times while browsing through the latest issue of “Tire Business”, or some other fascinating magazine, I’ll turn on the television – mostly to serve as a soothing background effect.  But I was right in middle of an article about my good friend Chip Wood, founder of Tire Discounters and his eldest son Steven, when my attention was diverted by what I heard.  It was a commercial, and the voice intoned: “everybody talks about how fast they can go from 0 to 60 mph.  Wouldn’t it be nice to know how fast you can go from 60 to 0?”  WOW!  Exactly! – I thought to myself.  (Yes, my inner voice often uses exclamation points.)  

Brakes!  So crucial!  Please, please go to TireDiscounters.com – wait, you’re already there.  Okay then, after perusing the fascinating information about brakes under the “Services” button, please go straight to the Tire Discounters closest to you!  The experts there will check your brakes for FREE!  

BUT:  new brakes can only work as well as the tires allow.  In the rain, for example, new tires can stop your vehicle up to TWICE as fast as worn or balding tires.  That’s a difference of about 200 feet!  2/3’s of a football field!  (I’m told that analogies from games of sport are very effective)

A Web Log about MAP from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary, 

You know what “MAP” means, riiight?  HA!  Gotcha!  Sorry to be so amusingly coy, but the “MAP” I’m referring to here is the Motorist Assurance Program!  Tire Discounters has been MAP accredited for many years.  My question for them is “why keep such exciting news to yourselves?” 

Please, please, NEVER trust your vehicle to a shop that is NOT MAP accredited.  (Unless maybe it’s owned by a blood relative.  2nd cousins, for example, wouldn’t count.)  BUT, if, like Tire Discounters, the shop is MAP approved, feel free to take your vehicle there for all your manufacturer’s scheduled services.  What?  No more exorbitant dealer service costs?  Exactly!

Here’s a little taste of what Tire Discounters and other reputable MAP accredited folks do every day with every customer…

• Provide written recommendations for repairs
• Provide a written estimate for the repairs
• No work will be performed without prior authorization
• Employ trained personnel in accordance with MAP Standards of Service
• Inspect your vehicle based on the MAP Uniform Inspection and Communication Standards
• Include a written limited warranty at no extra cost
• Address any disputes in a timely, professional manner.

As you can see, following MAP guidelines isn’t easy.  Technicians must be carefully trained before they can carry through properly at every step.  

But it’s worth it!  And for a family-owned and operated company like Tire Discounters, the reason for MAP accreditation is even more basic:  it’s the right thing to do!

A Web Log about pizza from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary, 

Sometimes mundane tasks are difficult for me.  Last night, for example, I ordered a pizza.  A young lad appeared at the door of my secret lair shortly thereafter:

“I have a large pepperoni for a “PTB”.”

“Ah yes.  That would be for me, thank you!”

“So, those are your initials?”

“It stands for Phantom Tire Buyer.  Perhaps you’ve heard of me?”

He stared at me with a rather blank look.  “Can’t say as I have.  Just gotta make sure this pizza goes to the right person.”

“I can assure you, young man, it is indeed for me.  I’m a Phantom Tire with a secret identity.” 

“A secret identity?”

“Yes.” 

“So why do you come right out and say that?  I mean, like Batman has a secret identity, and he wears a cape like yours…”

“Hmm…not sure I’ve heard of this Batman you speak of.”

“But what he doesn’t do is go around TELLING everybody that he has a secret identity.” 

“I believe in complete transparency.”

“But you have a secret identity!”

“And I’m very up front about it.”

“Uh huh.”

“May I have my pizza now?”

“Sure.” 

“I’m afraid it’s getting cold.  Oh, by the way, you can’t reveal to anyone the location of my secret lair.”

“Oh!  You’re hiding out!”

“Only from disreputable tire dealers.  They’d do anything to have my address!  I think.”

A Web Log about mud tires from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary, 

I am not an avid hunter.  As a Phantom Tire Buyer, I get a lot of questions from all sorts of people, but never once has a hunter asked me something like “Hello Phantom, are the mallards aflight?”  I was invited to tag along once on a hunting trip, but my cape kept getting snagged in the underbrush – significantly slowing down my compadres. 

So I was rather nonplussed when my neighbor pulled up in his camouflaged truck and exclaimed “Hey Phantom, can I ask you something?”  My mind reeled.  What could he want to ask?

“I’m sorry Ed, but I know very little about being an outdoorsy-type person.”

“Need some new mudders!  Thought you’d be the best guy to ask!”

“Oh, well in that case I’m quite flattered.  Before I answer, though, what’s a mudder?”

”You know, knobbies!”

Now I was beginning to question his sobriety.  “Knobbies?”

“C’mon, man!  Mud tires for my truck!”

“Oh!!!  I’m glad you asked!  Tire Discounters, owned and operated by the family of my good personal friend, Chip Wood, is recommending Thunderers for 2019!”

“Thunderers?  Wow, I’ve heard those are some beautiful, quality knobbies!”

“Um, yes, I’m assured that is the case.  Excellent mothers indeed!”

“You mean mudders?”

“Exactly!”