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Phantom Diary Entry #88

Tire Discounters Jingle

Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary,

Everyone knows that my favorite tune in all the world is the Tire Discounters jingle. I love it when that happy tune runs repeatedly through my head, sometimes for hours at a time. If you haven’t heard it yet, it goes like this: Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiire Discounters! Well, actually it’s more like: Tirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre Discounters! The “r” is extended through some kind of singing gymnastics. But when I write it down, for some reason extending the “i” makes much more sense to me.

This is important. The lyrics of the song (admittedly, they are rather spare) need to accurately represent the sounds of the song in question. I’ve timed the jingle, and it lasts for three and a half seconds. And, while this is by no means a logical deduction based on hard data, I have come to the conclusion that the song, as sung, contains exactly 21 “i’s”. Or “r’s” if that’s your preference.

Now you may be thinking, why is The Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity so concerned with such seemingly humdrum matters. Well, let’s imagine for a moment that my close personal friend, Chip Wood, and his faithful retinue might want to spell out the jingle in print? Crazy, you think? Maybe. Or, maybe to the innovator behind free alignment with standard 4-tire installation – maybe it’s just crazy enough to work!

The speed rating of a tire is based on U.S. Government standards for reaching and sustaining a specified speed. Typically, a tire with a higher speed rating results in better handling. Speed ratings apply only to the tire itself, and not to a particular vehicle. Putting a tire rated for a certain speed on a vehicle does not mean that the vehicle can be safely operated at the tire's rated speed.

Tire Load Range refers to the maximum weight a tire can safely support at a specified tire pressure. For Light Trucks and SUVs, ranges are usually expressed using SL (Standard Load) and XL (Extra Load or Reinforced). It can also be represented by letters (e.g., C, D, E), which indicate the tire's ply rating, which traditionally referred to the number of layers of material within the tire.

A higher load range indicates a tire designed to carry heavier loads. For example, a tire with a Load Range E can support more weight than one with a Load Range C. The correct load range is critical for vehicle safety and performance, especially for trucks, trailers, and commercial vehicles.

Tread depth is the distance between the top of the tread rubber to the bottom of the tire's deepest grooves. In the United States, tread depth is measured in 32nds of an inch.

A tire’s maximum load is the maximum amount of weight the tire is designed to hold. The tire’s load carrying capacity is directly related to the tire’s size and amount of inflation pressure that is actually used. Each load range has a assigned air pressure identified in pounds per square inch (psi) at which the tire's maximum load is rated.

A tire’s maximum inflation pressure (PSI) is the highest "cold" inflation pressure that the tire is designed to contain. When measuring a tire’s max PSI, it is important the tire is "cold," because warmer temperatures can cause the tire pressure to temporarily increase resulting with inaccurate readings. This measurement should only be used when called for on the vehicle’s tire placard or in the vehicle’s owners manual.

The mileage warranty of a tire indicates the number of miles that a tire is estimated to last. If a tire fails to last for the number of miles indicated by the warranty, the customer will be given credit from the tire manufacturer toward a new tire based on how many miles short of the estimate the tire fell. Some restrictions apply.

The total width of the tire, including any raised features on the sidewall.

This is how many layers of rubber and other materials are in the tire.

The represents the smallest and widest size wheels that are recommended by the tire manufacturer for the tire to be mounted on.

The measurement, in inches, from rim flange to the other rim flange.

The maximum width of a wheel that a tire can be put onto.

The minimum width of a wheel that a tire can be put onto.

A tire's section width (also called "cross section width") is the measurement of the tire's width from its inner sidewall to its outer sidewall (excluding any protective ribs, decorations or raised letters) at the widest point.

What makes up a tire; each ply, the sidewall, the tread, and bead.

This number will tell you how well the tire will disperse heat buildup.

This is how much weight a tire is rated to hold.

Mounting and Balancing – up to $159.96 pending wheel diameter

Lifetime Rotation – $299.90

Lifetime Balancing – $449.90

Lifetime Tire Pressure Adjustments – $16

Rubber Valve Stems – $8

Tire Repair** – $140

Total = $1,073.76

*Estimate based on 4-tire purchase of 60,000-mile tires.

**Excludes: Under 40 series, run-flats, mud tires, trailer tires, off-road vehicles, and any tire over six (6) years old. Other exclusions may apply.

TD will repair flat tires as long as it can be done safely in accordance with Tire Industry Association (TIA) Guidelines. Excludes: Under 40 series, run-flats, mud tires, trailer tires, off-road vehicles, and any tire over six (6) years old. Other exclusions may apply. See store for details.

National accounts and local fleet not included.

Free Alignment with 4-Tire Purchase

National accounts not included. Other exclusions may apply.

Mounting & Balancing $76

Lifetime Tire Pressure Adjustments $16

Rubber Valve Stems $8

Lifetime Rotation $240

Total = $340

*Estimate based on 4-tire purchase of 60,000 mile tires.

Our Nationwide Worry Free Guarantee offers FREE unlimited Tire Repairs for the entire life of your tires. If your tire can't be fixed and is over 3/32" tread, no worries, we will give you a replacement tire at any time, up to 3 years. We'll even help get your tire changed by including reimbursement for Roadside Assistance (up to $75) for the first 12 months at no additional cost. Effective: August 24, 2017. For complete details, see our warranty at any Tire Discounters location.

Components of the Tire Pressure Monitoring System (TPMS) sensor wears over time.

A TPMS Service Kit is suggested each time a tire/wheel is serviced. If left unchanged, over time, these components of the TPMS may corrode, leak or fail.

Tire/wheel service is defined as when tire is removed from the wheel.